Stumbling among the blocks and toys on the floor of my house, I slip on my flip-flops and head outside to be greeted by unruly garden beds spilling over into my overgrown sidewalk.

Today is the most perfect summer day that Tennessee ever even dreamed of and I  standing in it, teething baby on my back again, watching my four year old and his dog play in the yard. 

I’m briefly frustrated that I never have time to weed right now, that my efforts to clean only result in things looking less trashed than they could be. 

But I take a deep breath and remind myself that someday I will have a clean house, tidy garden beds, and time to watch a movie in one sitting.

Someday my kitchen counters will stay sparkly, the dishes won’t pile up, and I’ll have less laundry.

My house will be quieter and I’ll maybe drink a cup of coffee without having to hunt for it and reheat it three times before I finish it.

I also won’t have the laughter and shouts of small boys, the pounding of their feet as they embrace life at a run. 

They’ll be in school or away at college or moved out on their own. 

It can be frustrating but the choice seems clear. 

Embrace the life in front of you. Embrace the now. Embraces the lives in front of you, emerging into their true selves, changing every day. 

Someday there will be peace and order.

And I think that someday will make me a little wistful for the chaos that is now.

 I hate the tyranny of the to-do list, sitting there neatly inscribed with all the things I haven’t done and often have no hope of doing within the specified time frame. 

Things change and I do different things, but still feel inadequate because I can’t check off those things. Yes, I’ve done digital ones where I can rearrange and add to and check off, but things are always getting bumped off the list. 

It just doesn’t work for me. And I have a feeling I’m not alone.

If you’re one they work for, then fine, it’s not like a moral thing one way or the other 😉

What I’m trying to do now is simply find a rhythm between the now and the next. A dance between being present yet accomplishing things that need doing. Finishing what I’m doing now and asking, what is next? 

I’m writing a blog post now. Next I need to switch laundry from the washer to the dryer and add stuff to the crock pot for supper (that sentence makes me go, squeee! I’m being all domestic-y today). That’s next. 

One thing at a time, and things are getting done way more than ever before. 

And I’m free of the list. I’ll let you know how it goes.

What about you? Anyone else want to break up with their to-do list? 

  Walking through my yard at sunset
Sky streaked with red

The weight of a sleepy baby on my back 

My four year old runs ahead, brighter than the fireflies that dot the fringes of the wood

Beer in a mason jar

Sleepy cackles from the chickens

Sky deepening every moment 

“Mom come on!” His joy and passion mingle with impatience as I choose my steps with care.

“Bye mom!” He flings himself down the hill, rolling with the abandon of youth

The weight of the baby increases as only a sleeping child can

Tree frogs and cicadas serenade us accented by the distant sound of cars on the road

A cool wind stirs the air, the promise of fall after a hot summer

“Mom!” An intense whimper this time

He runs to me pointing at the woods that have gone black.

“The dark?”

“Mmm hmm.”

He takes my hand, and we walk slowly towards the yellow light spilling from the house.

Home.